Friday, August 29, 2014

In Which I Show My Dirty Laundry

Recently, one of my favorite bloggers referred to August as "reckoning month". She, of course, meant it in the sense that one has to take stock of what they have and don't have, hay-wise, as we head into fall and winter. Once you know where you stand, you can make adjustments to ensure that everything is in order.

For me, even though I don't have to worry about maintaining huge feed stores (I bought a bale of hay for the rabbits to go along with their bagged food; it'll last at least 3 months- more, if I sell off two of the young does like I'm hoping to do) it is getting to that point in time where I have to take stock of the blog, and how things are working out.

One one hand, I really enjoy the work that I'm doing. I believe in what I'm writing about, and I get to practice what I preach by growing our own food, and doing my best to live a more simple life. I can't say it enough: for once, I'm actually living the life that I've been wanting for years. I'm not cramming some of it into my evenings and weekends or dreaming about it while reading someone else's blog. I get up every morning, whether I feel like it or not, and go feed the animals and tend to the food that I'm growing. It's tough work some days, and there are others where everything just falls into place like it's hardly any work at all.

On the other hand, it's far less rosy. I just checked my various earnings reports, and I've made $11.21 in four months. I know it takes time to build a blog that brings in money, but seriously? Eleven dollars?? I can't even bear to think about how that breaks down as an hourly wage. Realistically speaking, I can't afford to keep doing this the way it currently is- that's just basic math.

So what do I do? That's the question that's in my head these days, more often than not. Do I get a part-time job someplace else, where I can just punch a clock and hopefully save my brain cells for writing in the evenings? Maybe that's the short-term solution- since winter is coming, the outside chores will decrease a bit and I'll have some time on my hands, anyway- but it feels an awful lot like how things used to be. Maybe I should use that extra time to focus on making things, instead- I've successfully sold my handcrafted items before, so perhaps that's the route I should take?

I'm not giving up, though- I refuse to. As discouraged as I may sound in this moment, I'm just frustrated; questioning my decisions thus far and trying to make better ones going forward. I'm not used to being in a position where I don't have the answers. It's overwhelming, and that's not a state of mind that works well for me. I slip into "paralysis by analysis" territory pretty easily, when I'm in this sort of headspace.

What do you do, when you're uncertain about the future?

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